Category Archives: funny stories

Earthly Riches are Standard Fare in Heaven!

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him, “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.”

The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!”

But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “You brought pavement?!?!” (Revelation 21:21) (from Mikey’s Funnies)

Isn’t it amazing how what we think is so valuable on earth is just standard fare in heaven? When we get there I’m sure we won’t even give a thought to any riches we had here. Heaven will be far more beautiful than any of us can imagine.

Make sure that you know without a doubt you will go there when you die.

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – Practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word


More Humor – Pecans in the Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree
just inside the cemetery fence.

One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the
tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

“One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he
passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for
you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

“Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard!
Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.”

The man said, “Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk.”

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One
for you, one for me.”

The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth.
Let’s see if we can see the Lord.”

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still
unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought
iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a
glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go
get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done.

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead
of the kid on the bike.

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – Practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word

2 Funny Stories – Laughter truly makes you feel better!

TOILET WATER

One day my mother was out and my dad was looking after me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from a bad cold. Someone had given me a little tea set as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Dad was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of “tea,” which was just water.  After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such good tea, my mom came home.

Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea. (“It’s just the cutest thing!”) My mom waited and sure enough, I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watched him drink it, then said (as only a mother would)…”Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is from the toilet?”


WRONG INTERPRETATION

An influential Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon, he was asked to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter, sentence by sentence.

“I want you to know,” he began, “I’m tickled to death to be asked here today.”

A look of panicked confusion appeared on the interpreter’s face. “This poor man,” he said in Chinese, “Scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you today.”

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – Practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word



A Story – The Cowboy and the Church

Unfortunately, this story hits way too close to home in a lot of churches today. Let’s don’t leave God out of our services each Sunday. Let’s make sure we always put Him in the position of First Place.

The Cowboy and the Church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. “Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship.”

The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church.”

“I did,” replied the old cowboy.

“If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?” asked the preacher.

“Well, sir, God told me that He didn’t have a clue what I should wear. He said He’d never been in here before.”

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – Practical ways for every Christian to learn to live a victorious life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word

Two Funny Stories

I thought you might need some laughter in your life today!

What is “Butt Dust”?

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget is on a particular Sunday, the minister began to pray before starting his sermon…

‘Dear Lord,’ he began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face,

‘Without you, we are but dust…’

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Thou Shalt Not Kill Brothers and Sisters

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her class of five and six-year-olds.

After explaining the commandment to honor thy father and thy mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – Practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word

A Story – Man Challenges God

Doesn’t this story say a lot about the way we live today? It is easy to think we can get organized and efficient enough to be in total control; and it is only when something happens beyond our control that many times we realize we are not nearly as powerful as we thought.

God is the creator of the world and everything in it, so surely he can handle any problem that springs up in your life. Start today and ask Him to show you who He really is. You will find Him to be greater than you ever imagined.

Man Challenges God

(Another Mikey’s Funnies story)

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this? Let’s say we have a man-making contest.”

To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!”

But God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!”

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – practical ways to learn to live a victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word

Told from a Mother’s Point-Of-View

The Chapstick Story

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves Chapstick – LOVES it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my Chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother’s Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there sits Eli, applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack’s…rear end. Eli looks right into my eyes and says “chapped.”

Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right–their little rear ends do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn’t seem to mind. And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat’s behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother’s Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they’ve been using your Chapstick on the cat’s rear.

Check out my other sites:

Handbook for Victorious Christian Living – for the person who wants to live a truly victorious Christian life

Blueprint for Victorious Christian Living

Power of the Living Word